Info on cervical cancer

I pray it's not cancer." That's what I wrote in my journal after my OB-GYN, Dr. Anne Ward, found a lump in my right breast during a routine exam. I had every reason to be positive, especially because I had no history of cancer in my family. I didn't smoke or drink. I biked regularly along Chicago's Lake Michigan shoreline. Like most busy single people, I was literally ripping and running everywhere. But six weeks later a biopsy confirmed that I had cancer. I had just turned 40.

Though my diagnosis came as a shock, I knew God would work things out. I decided to have a lumpectomy (removal of the tumor only), because my tumor was small. After the surgery, I went through six weeks of radiation and five months of chemotherapy. Some days I would feel as if a Mack truck had run me over; but I remained optimistic because of my faith and the "angels"--my mother, godparents and other family, friends, doctors and coworkers--God had put in my life.

After church the Sunday before my last chemotherapy treatment, I noticed a bloodlike spot on the left side of my blouse. Dr. Ward happened to call to check on me, and I told her about the spot. She said I should call my surgeon, who had me come in that same day for a biopsy of my other breast.

I had cancer again, but this time in the milk ducts. A lumpectomy wasn't an option because the malignancy wasn't a single mass. My surgeon recommended a double mastectomy to rule out recurrence of the cancer. That's when I fell apart. I could have dealt with losing one breast, but losing both was too much.

After each surgery (I had seven), my prayers got stronger. I consistently called on God to keep me from falling to pieces. I never questioned why this was happening to me; instead I said, "Oh Lord, I know you'll get me through this." I felt blessed just knowing I was alive even though I was in so much pain. I constantly thought about the quote, "I cried because I had no shoes until I saw the man with no feet." But I still felt bad about losing my breasts. I had reconstructive surgery, but it left me without nipples. I wondered what a man would think of that. But since then I've decided that if the man of my dreams has a problem with it, then he's not the one.

I'm exercising again, starting out at about three days a week. Encouraged by a nutrition class based on Dr. Andrew Weil's book 8 Ways to Optimum Health, I'm also eating a healthier diet--more fruits and vegetables, as well as vitamin and mineral supplements. I'm working with my church on starting a cancer support group and hope to become a breast-cancer spokeswoman. I understand God does not make mistakes, and if you are spiritually grounded, He pours on everything you need in a crisis. I take one day at a time with a clear awareness that the present is indeed a gift.

BREAST-CANCER NEWS

* The Jean Sindab Breast Cancer Project

No one can be certain of exactly why Black women are more likely to die of breast cancer. But an anonymous donor gave $2 million to New York Presbyterian Hospital last year to explore a possible factor. Named in honor of the anti-apartheid activist who died of the disease, the project team has begun studying a blood protein that has been shown to be more prevalent in Black women with breast cancer. This protein may, in part, explain the difference in survival and recurrence rates. If you're interested in enrolling in this study, contact Dr. Linda Vahdat rat New York Presbyterian Hospital at (212) 305-2486 or vahdat@cuccfa.ccc.columbia.edu.

* AvonCares Program for Medically Underserved Women

Cosmetics giant Avon is helping raise awareness of breast, cervical and ovarian cancer among tow-income and uninsured women. The new program--through a partnership with the nonprofit organization Cancer Care--will provide financial assistance, education and support to women in need of diagnostic and other services related to cancer. There are income requirements for single women and for family reimbursements. You can find out more eligibility information by E-mailing your questions to info@cancercare.org or calling the organization at (800) 813-HOPE.

* The Healing Way: A Journal for Cancer Survivors (Element Books, $19.95)

This lovely bound journal, which was created with the help of medical and mental-health professionals, lets women who have cancer write about their fears, hopes, joys and sorrows. Describing one's deepest thoughts and feelings can calm the mind and help heat the body and spirit. Find it in your local or on-tine bookstore and in hospital gift shops.

--L.H.