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How To Raise Drug-Free Children
YOU can't guarantee that your child won t become curious about drugs, nor can you protect him or her from the social pressures to use them, but by following a few preventive tips, you can reinforce your child's feelings of self-worth, and fortify the positive lifelong relationship that you share. The end result, experts say, is that your child will be far less likely to take the drug dealer's bait when you're not around.
Teach Early And Often
Don't wait until your child is a budding teenager before telling her or him about drugs. The American Council for Drug Education says this is a conversation that you should have when your child enters preschool. Children at this age are not drug users, but if parents talk to them now (at a time when the child considers adults in their life as powerful beings, and are constantly seeking their approval), you are embedding an anti-drug message into their little brains, which could make all the difference by the time your child hits puberty.
Parents should conduct the "stay away from drugs" talk as straightforwardly and as calmly as they conduct the "eat nutritious foods" and "wash your hands before dinner" talk.
Once your child enters school and develops a new eagerness to be independent and grown-up, he or she will be bombarded with messages about drugs--most of which conflict with your teachings. A parent's best bet to keeping a child safe is to focus on the here-and-now consequences of using drugs, (most children can't relate to future penalties), and to reinforce the clear rules about what is allowable at home and at school, and what is not. Finally, talk with the parents of your child's friends to make certain that their values are consistent with your own.
As children grow into adolescence, it's normal for them to doubt themselves and to be insecure about their appearance, the opposite sex, their futures, and so on. Young adolescents turn to one another for support and advice, and this "clique" defines who they are, what they should wear, and who they should talk to. It can be very threatening to see the clique's values assume so much importance in the child's life, but your child probably won't completely surrender his own powers of thought.
Adolescents are known to approach problems systematically, and to have a marked sense of right and wrong. If adolescents feel bad about themselves, or life in general, they may turn to drugs ,for a quick fix to their problems. In this situation, parents should emphasize how drugs adversely affect the things that are most important to their child--ranging from maintaining their good looks, to playing sports or even driving.
Beware of the Danger Zone
There are certain hours of the day when your child is more likely to be up to no good, warns Gwendolyn Kenner-Johnson, vice president of children's services at the YMCA Metropolitan Chicago. She advises parents to make sure their children are doing something constructive after school, before they start doing something destructive such as experimenting with drugs or alcohol.
"If children are engaged in constructive activities during the high-risk hours of 3 p.m. thru 7 p.m, they are less likely to partake in dangerous behaviors," she explains. "There is a myriad of after-school programs that children can get engaged in, everything from swimming lessons to computer-generated learning. Choose programs for your child that build character."
Parents can find an array of affordable activities for children right in the neighborhood, ranging from YMCA programs to special events at the local library, museum or sports club. Also, many churches and volunteer organizations offer after-school programs for children. Check with your child's school or other parents in the neighborhood for suggestions.
Find A Hobby
Many parents erroneously believe that their child is forced to use drugs, or was coerced by their drug-using peers. But, according to the U.S. Department of Education's publication, Growing Up Drug-Free: A Parent's Guide to Prevention, there are a lot of reasons children choose to use drugs. Some use drugs to relieve boredom, feel good, forget their troubles, have fun, satisfy their curiosity, take risks, ease their pain, show their independence, belong to a specific group, or just to look cool.
Parents know their child better than anyone else, and the best way to keep them from drugs is to get them involved with positive activities that they will enjoy, such as bike-riding, camping, or indoor sports. Choose an activity for your children that is tailored to their specific needs. For example, babysitting or tutoring duties could satiate a child's desire for independence, and children who love to take risks would enjoy rock-climbing or karate class.
Plan Togetherness
Whether you have an inquisitive child or rowdy teen, it's important to maintain a stable and positive relationship--and this calls for open communication. The Partnership For A Drug-Free America suggests that parents plan weekly family meetings to provide a regular forum for discussing accomplishments, complaints, disciplinary questions, and any topic of concern to any family member.
The ground rules for the family meeting are simple: Everyone is allowed time to talk uninterrupted, and only positive, constructive feedback is permitted. Parents can persuade a rebellious child to cooperate by assigning him or her an important duty for the meetings (such as taking notes) or by ending the meetings with pizza or a movie.
Getting together with your children at set times eliminates the need for constant planning, and gives each child guaranteed personal time with you. Talk to your child after school and ask about what he or she thinks of the latest fashion craze, or about a favorite song. Be a good listener, and encourage the child to divulge more of his or her world by replying, "Oh, I didn't know that!" or "Isn't that interesting?"
Communicating with your children also provides a gateway for you to learn about their friends and others who are important to them. Planning fun activities (such as playing cards, cooking, playing video or board games, hiking, fishing and even surfing the Internet) can spark light conversations, where parents can steer the talk to social problems and address such issues as the importance of avoiding drugs, drug pushers and drug users.
Set A Good Example
Let's be frank--it makes little sense to constantly warn your child about the dangers of drugs if your child knows that you are using them. In this case, the old adage, `Do as I say, not as I do,' is just not going to work. Children are nosey by nature and contemptuous to adult acts of hypocrisy. Ultimately, your child will not only lose respect for your words of warning about drugs, he may also choose to experiment with whatever illegal substances or prescribed medications that are present in the home.
"Parents need to begin by being an example--do not consume alcohol excessively or use drugs in front of your children," says Kenner-Johnson. If children see that you practice what you preach and abstain from drugs, they will be less likely to use drugs themselves. Conversely, experts say that if a parent has had a history of drug addiction, it's best to be upfront with your child. Say, "I have used drugs, I became addicted and I couldn't stop. I wish I hadn't, and I really hope you never have to go through what I went through."
TIPS FOR DRUG-FREE TEENS
The Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse says parents should follow some guidelines to instill in their teens the will and skills to resist drugs.
Be a parent, not a pal. Parents who establish a household culture with set rules and expectations for their teen's behavior produce teens with a substantially lower risk of experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Make it clear to your teen that you would be extremely upset if he or she used drugs.
Communicate with your teen. Parents should create a comfortable atmosphere for communication, and this can be accomplished by letting your children know that they can talk to you about anything, and that you're willing to learn something new from them. Experts urge parents to avoid lecturing and posing direct questions, which can result in teens holding back pertinent information. Instead, allow teens to express their ideas and feelings (even if they differ from your own), and present your view point as honestly and as non-accusatory as you can.
Monitor your child's entertainment. Parents should keep a close watch on their teen's television and Internet viewing--unsupervised teens are twice as likely to use drugs than monitored teens.
Know your teen's whereabouts. Know where teens are after school, and where they are going at night and on the weekends. Teens who are employed during the after-school hours are less likely to engage in risky behavior--so encourage your teen to get a job!